Well, things have all changed for me in a very short period of time. I have resigned from my job, effective September 14. I don’t think I had a lot of choice in doing so, given the fact that my current job is contributing enormous stress to my life and as a result my health continues to deteriorate. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and I have tried for the past three years to cope with the increasing stress and workload levels ~ however, the levels only increase and never decline.
It has not been unusual for me to be working every day without a break (when not physically at work, I work at home, taking my work home with me) and then to be working all hours in a vain attempt to get ahead. Yet every stride I make only lands me further tasks and projects to accomplish, with there being no light at the end of the tunnel.
There was a brief moment when there appeared a distant light at the end of the tunnel in which I work, but that has now been well and truly snuffed out, as a multitude of new projects began to pop up on the near horizon. Despite my pleas for a break from such things there will be no let up. It is impossible for me to sustain the levels of commitment I am being asked to give, with the load being simply too much. My staff are barely getting by now, as am I. All I can see is a complete health meltdown if I continue at the job, with no personal or spiritual life whatsoever ~ no job is worth the cost that this one is exacting from me.
I have worked with this organisation for nearly twenty years and it will be sad to leave. There were tears in my eyes as I voiced my decision to resign on Friday and I guess that was inevitable. I had thought I might work here until my retirement, but that certainly is no longer a possibility. I can no longer give the role for which I am employed the commitment, enthusiasm or interest that is required, certainly to a level that I myself am personally satisfied with.
The final straw was a meeting held last Wednesday with my staff and senior management. Without going into details, the meeting destroyed my confidence and left me shattered. I felt that everything I had given to the role, with all that it had cost me and was continuing to cost me was far too much, and far too much to ask of anyone. My spirit was broken and I left the meeting not feeling that I was able to go on. I knew it was over right at that moment. The role had exacted its last toll ~ my very soul (or was about to). It was time to end the torture before it cost me my life.
I leave the job knowing that what I had achieved I had done well and that I have transformed the department into a well-oiled working team that has accomplished a great deal in the last few years. There have been massive improvements across the board, not just in physically completed projects, but in the way things are done, procedures, etc.
The Preventative Maintenance Program that I has established and which had returned us a 100% compliance record in our Accreditation round last year is now about to be pulled apart in order to cut costs. I was about to see the good work of the last three years begin to be dismantled and standards begin to dramatically decline – all that work which cost me so much was now to be undone. What a waste of those three years was all that resonated in my mind. Why had I given so much for it to be so thoughtlessly thrown away? How pointless to continue working so hard when this was to be the result of my bleeding for the organisation? It had to end and so I have ended it – for me anyhow.
Sadly, in my opinion, the organisation is barely functioning these days and now my own department, which had struggled against the tide of the downgrade movement, was being forced into the same black hole of mediocrity. Already we were struggling to get work done because of centralisation of decision making, etc. What had taken us mere days to accomplish in the past was now taking us months as we waited for approval to spend anything from a few hundred dollars to larger amounts. We have been bogged down for months in senseless rules and regulations imposed on us from Head Office. The efficiency with which our department had begun to function was being eroded away and was in danger of grinding to a halt, but there seemed no real concern about this outside of my own department. It had become an embarrassment to me and the appearance of this to outside eyes was reflecting badly on me. There seemed no clarion expressions of support and explanation, certainly not to those who were being impacted by what was going on ~ I was left to suffer the blows of dissatisfaction alone. There was nothing expressed from any other quarter to explain the delays in meeting the department’s responsibilities. At the coal face we suffered the blows of criticism alone and then were criticised by the ‘silent’ also, for not meeting our responsibilities, even though it was clear to the ‘silent’ why the delays were there.
Anyhow, I could go on for quite some time cataloguing the issues I see happening in the workplace at the current time, but that is no longer my concern. I have only to the 14th of September 2007 to endure what has become a burden I care no longer to carry. Already the relief is palpable, as I now have light pouring through an escape shaft I have smashed through the tunnel roof in which I have been working and the way out is clearly before me. I will write soon of what the pros are concerning my resignation and what are the cons of the decision.