China and the west: competing traditions make true friendship highly unlikely – here’s why

EPA-EFE/Erik S. Lesser

Astrid H. M. Nordin, King’s College London and Graham M Smith, University of LeedsAt the 2021 summit of the G7, which was held in Cornwall in the west of England, one person figured prominently in conversations but was not part of the gathering: the Chinese president, Xi Jinping. A fair proportion of the group’s deliberations concerned developing a shared approach to China – the awkwardly named US-backed spending plan, “Build Back Better World” (B3W), which is designed to rival China’s massive “Belt and Road Initiative” (BRI).

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There was also agreement on the questions of democracy and human rights, with the meeting’s concluding communiqué stipulating: “we will promote our values, including by calling on China to respect human rights and fundamental freedoms, especially in relation to Xinjiang and those rights, freedoms and high degree of autonomy for Hong Kong enshrined in the Sino-British Joint Declaration and the Basic Law”.

Hot on the G7’s heels, Nato leaders have ramped up the rhetoric and named China on a list of security risks, claiming that “China’s stated ambitions and assertive behaviour present systemic challenges to the rules-based international order”.

As expected, Chinese officials hit back, accusing the G7 of manipulation and NATO of slandering its peaceful development. Yet, in the days before the statements from the G7 and Nato, Xi had been calling for China to “expand” its “circle of friends”. Could that circle be made to include those in the G7 and NATO?

Differing understandings of friendship

Xi Jinping’s call for friendship gives us an opportunity to examine Chinese politics on both the domestic and international stage. On the face of it, it suggests the possibility of rapprochement between the rich liberal democracies represented by the G7 and the authoritarian Chinese state. However, despite appearances of a call for a closer relationship, there is more than one way of being friends – and Xi’s idea might be somewhat different to what many in countries attending the G7 might expect.

For most countries in the G7, the understanding of what friendship might mean is based on a Euro-American tradition of thought that understands it as a voluntary and reciprocal relationship of equals. Importantly, on this view of friendship, friends remain together despite – or even because of – their differences. Indeed, differences are seen as productive and enhancing of the friendship. This view is exemplified by Plutarch’s comment that “I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.” Friends disagree in such a way that they remain friends and, if necessary, disagree again in the future.

However, this is probably not how Xi sees friendship. His understanding might instead fall back on a Confucian tradition – as it often does in his “great rejuvenation of the Chinese nation” that includes “friendship” as one of its “core socialist values”. In that tradition, good friendship is modelled on the hierarchy of older and younger brother in the traditional family. Here, the younger – or lesser – relation has a chance to grow by emulating the positive example of the more elevated friend.

The importance of the friend as a virtuous example to emulate is so strong that Confucius repeatedly urges in the Analects: “Do not have as a friend anyone who is not as good as you are”. In this tradition, the superior party is duty-bound to care for and correct the lesser party in this process of moral growth, and the lesser party is impelled to heed their advice and direction.

This understanding of friendship is reflected in China’s internal and external political relations. Internally, the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) sits above other societal actors – those who are mistaken are corrected and improved. This can be seen in initiatives ranging from patriotic education campaigns to mass incarceration in camps on China’s “new frontier”, Xinjiang.

Prominent Chinese intellectuals like Zhao Tingyang argue that the best way for China to “turn enemies into friends” is to lead by example. Xi’s call for friendship is simultaneously a call for the Chinese state to be better at portraying China in a positive light. However, this does not mean that hard power methods are out of bounds if push comes to shove, as demonstrated in Xinjiang, Hong Kong, and the South China Sea.

Can China and liberal democracies be friends?

Given these views of friendship, what chance is there for rapprochement and friendship between liberal democracies and authoritarian China? The Chinese model suggests a way of living in harmony with China. Chinese leaders and citizens generally do not see China as being a threat to other countries, but a generous and cultivated friend. Chinese leaders responded to the NATO communiqué by telling NATO to stop “hyping” the idea of a “China threat”. But for liberal democracies, a friendship where the senior partner directs things and the junior partner must change to be more like them is not the sort of friendship they want – especially when they might be cast as the “junior” partner.

Equal partners?
EPA-EFE/Olivier Matthys/POOL

In contrast, the Anglo-European tradition of thinking about friendship emphasises equality and cooperative difference. However, the rhetoric and actions coming from the G7 and NATO appear far from extending friendship based on any such appreciation of a real diversity and difference of culture, approach, and values. As clubs of the likeminded, they see China as a threat precisely because they can only conceive of being in a friendship with “people like us”. Friends can be different – but only within liberal democratic parameters.

These differences mean that both China and the liberal democracies could forever be estranged, locked in a contest for superiority. A friendship could be possible between China and liberal democracies. For this to happen, liberal democracies would need to be true to their traditions of equal but different friendship, allowing for genuine difference. Based on its own traditions, China may well find such relationships difficult to accept.

Astrid H. M. Nordin, Lau Chair of Chinese International Relations, King’s College London and Graham M Smith, Associate Professor in Political Theory, University of Leeds

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

Chinese religious freedom activist awarded Nobel Peace Prize

A Chinese human rights dissident and democracy advocate was awarded this year’s Nobel Peace Prize on Friday, reports Peter J. Smith, LifeSiteNews.com.

Liu Xiaobo is the architect of a pro-democracy and human rights manifesto called Charter 08, which called for basic freedoms such as freedom of religion, assembly, protection of private property, and the guarantee of rights outlined under the U.N.’s Declaration of Universal Human Rights.

Authorities arrested Liu two days before the Charter’s December 8, 2008 release and charged him with "inciting the subversion of state power." After declaring him guilty, a Chinese court sentenced Liu on Christmas Day 2009 to 11 years in prison.

The Nobel committee in particular cited Liu’s pacifism in challenging communist China’s human rights abuses and calling for democratic reforms.

Liu was nominated in part by eight U.S. lawmakers who praised his work and suffering for human rights in China.

On behalf of himself and seven other U.S. Congressman, Rep. Chris Smith (R-N.J.) recommended that the Nobel Peace Prize Committee recognize not only Liu, but jointly award the prize to two other human rights activists, Chen Guangcheng and Gao Zhisheng, who have been persecuted specifically for fighting China’s brutal policy of forced abortion and sterilizations under the “one-child” policy.

Chen is a blind self-taught lawyer, who took the burden upon himself to defend local Chinese peasant women from forced sterilization and their children from forced abortion by local government authorities.

Gao, a Beijing attorney committed to defending human rights in China, was one of Chen’s lawyers. On February 4, 2009, Gao went missing under suspicious circumstances.

Geng He, Gao’s wife, told the Associated Press that she has not spoken to her husband since April and fears for his safety.

The Chinese Foreign Ministry has blasted the Nobel committee’s selection of Liu, calling the award a “blasphemy” and Liu a “criminal.”

"The Nobel Peace Prize is meant to award individuals who promote international harmony and friendship, peace and disarmament. Liu Xiaobo is a criminal who has been sentenced by Chinese judicial departments for violating Chinese law,” the ministry said on its website. “Awarding the peace to Liu runs completely counter to the principle of the award and is also a blasphemy to the Peace Prize."

The AP reports that news of Liu’s Nobel award has been blacked out in China. It added that Liu Xia, his wife, is guarded in her Beijing apartment by police, who have forbidden her from meeting with reporters.

Liu’s wife, who is able to communicate by telephone and electronic media, told CNN that she intends to visit him in prison soon to inform him of the prize, and encourage him. She hopes to be able to visit Norway to collect the award on his behalf.

Last year’s Nobel Peace Prize recipient was President Barack Obama, who was nominated shortly after his presidential inauguration. Obama praised Liu for his sacrifice in a statement and called upon Chinese authorities to release him from prison.

“By granting the prize to Mr. Liu, the Nobel Committee has chosen someone who has been an eloquent and courageous spokesman for the advance of universal values through peaceful and non-violent means, including his support for democracy, human rights, and the rule of law,” said Obama.

Report from the Christian Telegraph

Moroccan Islamists Use Facebook to Target Christians

Local Christians sense authorities, extremists and society in collusion against them.

RABAT, Morocco, June 17 (CDN) — Moroccan Christians say Muslim extremists in the country are aiding and encouraging the government to pursue them by exposing and vilifying them on social networking site Facebook.

Facebook user Gardes Maroc Maroc has posted 32 image collages featuring dozens of Christian converts, calling them “hyena evangelists” or “wolves in lamb’s skins” who are trying to “shake the faith of Muslims.” That terminology on the website, which is in Arabic, matches that of Morocco’s anti-proselytizing law, which outlaws efforts to “shake the faith of Muslims.”

The online images depict Christian converts and their families from across the country and include details about their roles and activities in churches, their personal addresses and anecdotal stories attempting to malign them.

“These are some pics of Moroccan convert hyenas,” reads one image.

Since March, the Moroccan government has expelled more than 100 foreign Christians for alleged “proselytizing.” Authorities failed to give Christians deportation orders or enough time to settle their affairs before they left.

Observers have called this a calculated effort to purge the historically moderate Muslim country, known for its progressive policies, of all Christian elements – both foreign and national.

Amid a national media campaign to vilify Christians in Morocco, more than 7,000 Muslim clerics signed a statement denouncing all Christian activities and calling foreign Christians’ aid work “religious terrorism.”

On the Facebook page, Gardes Maroc Maroc makes a particularly strident call to Moroccan authorities to investigate adoptive parents of children from the village of Ain Leuh, 50 miles south of Fez. The user claims that local Christians under orders of “foreign missionaries” were attempting to adopt the children so missionary efforts would not “go in vain.”

On March 8, the Moroccan government expelled 26 Christian foreign staff members and parents working at Village of Hope in Ain Leuh.

Now efforts against national Christians have gained momentum. One image on the Facebook page challenged the Islamic Ministry of Religious Affairs and Endowments, saying, “Evangelist hyenas are deriding your Ministry.” The page with the images claimed that Christians had rented out an apartment belonging to that government ministry.

An entire page was dedicated to a well-known Christian TV personality in the Middle East, Rashid Hmami, and his family. The user also inserted pictures of hyenas next to those of Christians, presumably to indicate their danger to the nation.

 

National Christians Threatened

Moroccan Christians told Compass that authorities had begun harassing them even before the forced deportations of foreigners, and that pressure from officials only intensified in March and April.

Since the deportations started in early March, it seems that authorities, extremists and society as a whole have colluded against them, local Christians said. Dozens of Christians have been called to police stations for interrogation. Many of them have been threatened and verbally abused.

“They mocked our faith,” said one Moroccan Christian who requested anonymity. “They didn’t talk nicely.”  

Authorities interrogated the convert for eight hours and followed him for three weeks in March and April, he said. During interrogation, he added, local police told him they were prepared to throw him in jail and kill him.

Another Moroccan Christian reported that a Muslim had taken him to court because of his Christian activities. Most Moroccan Christians that spoke to Compass said the attitudes of their Muslim relatives had shifted, and many have been kicked out of their homes or chosen to leave “to not create problems” for their families.

Moroccan converts meet in house churches. Some of them have stopped meeting until the pressure subsides.

“The government is testing the reactions,” said Moroccan lawyer Abdel Adghirni of the recent pressure on Christians.

The lawyer, known as one of the strongest defenders of Berber rights in Morocco, said that although the government’s recent reactions seem regressive, they are part of the nation’s societal transformation process.

“The government is trying to dominate,” said Adghirni. “They are defending themselves. They feel the wind of change. All of this is normal for me – like a complex chemistry that activates as different elements come into contact. Things are moving.”

 

Congressional Hearing

In an effort to alert U.S. Congress to the sudden turn against religious tolerance in Morocco, the Tom Lantos Human Rights Commission is holding congressional hearings today on the deportations of foreign Christians from the country.

Earlier today, the National Clergy Council held a press conference at the National Press Club in Washington, D.C., to congratulate the Moroccan government on religious tolerance. Organizers of the congressional hearings said they view the council’s press conference as an effort to counter the hearings.

The Rev. Rob Schenck, who heads the council, has had numerous exchanges with Moroccan Islamic leaders and in early April met with the Moroccan ambassador to the United States.

“I have enjoyed a close friendship of several years with the ambassador,” Schenck stated on his website.

Organizers of the congressional hearings have said they are baffled that the National Clergy Council, and in particular Schenck, would speak so highly of the Moroccan government at a time when it is in such blatant violation of human rights.

“There’s good and bad in every country, but what Morocco has done on the whole to advance religious liberty in that region of the world is extraordinary,” Schenck said in a media statement yesterday on Christian Newswire. “We hope to present a fair and balanced picture of this unusual country.”

Congressman Frank Wolf (R-Va.), co-chairman of the Tom Lantos Human Rights Commission, said that the Moroccan government has deported nearly 50 U.S. citizens.

“In spite of this, the U.S. government has pledged $697.5 million to Morocco over the next five years through the Millennium Challenge Corporation,” he said. Wolf is advocating that the United States withhold the nearly $697.5 million in aid that it has pledged to Morocco.  

“It is inappropriate for American taxpayer money to go to a nation which disregards the rights of American citizens residing in Morocco and forcibly expels Americans without due process of law,” he said.

Among those appearing at the hearing today is Dutch citizen Herman Boonstra, leader of Village of Hope, who was expelled in March. Boonstra and his wife were forced to leave eight adopted children in Morocco. Moroccan authorities have refused re-entry for the couple, as they have for all deported Christian foreigners.

Lawyer Adghirni said he believes Morocco cannot survive and develop economically – and democratically – without national diversity.

“We can’t be free without Christians,” Adghirni said. “The existence of Christians among us is the proof of liberty.”

Report from Compass Direct News

TURKEY: LOCAL OFFICIALS’ ROLE EMERGES IN MALATYA MURDERS

Former police commander, university researcher, suspected ringleader’s father testify.

MALATYA, Turkey, April 15 (Compass Direct News) – Two years after the murder of three Christians in this city in southeastern Turkey, lawyers at a hearing here on Monday (April 13) uncovered important information on the role that local security forces played in the slaughter.

At the 16th hearing of the murder case at the Malatya Third Criminal Court, plaintiff attorneys called a heavy slate of witnesses, including Mehmet Ulger, the gendarmerie commander of Malatya province during the April 2007 murders who was arrested on March 12 for his alleged connection to a political conspiracy, and Ruhi Abat, a theology instructor at the local Ismet Inonu University.

Two Turkish Christians, Necati Aydin and Ugur Yuksel, and a German Christian, Tilmann Geske, were tied up and stabbed to death at Zirve Publishing Co. offices on April 18, 2007. Plaintiff attorneys have moved the focus of the trial away from the five suspects – Salih Gurler, Cuma Ozdemir, Hamit Ceker, Abuzer Yildirim, and alleged ringleader Emre Gunaydin – to local officials believed to be liaisons or masterminds of the murders.

The retired gendarmerie commander and the theology researcher have suspected links to the crime. In January an anonymous letter sent to Turkish churches and obtained by the media claimed that then-commander Ulger instigated the murders and directed Abat to prepare arguments against missionary activity.

According to phone records, Abat made 1,415 telephone calls to gendarmerie intelligence forces in the six-month period prior to the 2007 murders. During his cross examination, he told the courtroom that the frequent contact resulted from gendarmerie requesting information on his research of local missionary activity.

Abat was part of a team of six researchers that focused on the social effects of missionary activity within the Malatya region.

“The information I gave the police and gendarmerie was aimed at answering the criticisms that missionaries had about Islam,” he said.

When plaintiff attorneys asked Ulger if this level of communication was typical, the former gendarmerie commander said that they communicated on other issues such as translating Arabic documents and further teaching engagements. But lawyers said this level of communication was unusual.

“He called the gendarmerie the equivalent of 10 times a day, seven days a week, which suggests something abnormal going on,” said plaintiff attorney Orhan Kemal Cengiz. “You wouldn’t talk that much to your mother.”

In a heated exchange at the end of the hearing, Ozkan Yucel, plaintiff attorney representing the families of the victims, pressed Ulger to answer whether he considered Christian missionary activity in Turkey to be a crime.

Avoiding a direct answer, Ulger said no such crime existed in Turkey’s penal system, but that gendarmerie classified such activity as “extreme right-wing.”

“The gendarmerie considers this to be the same [level of extremism] as radical Islamic activity,” he said.

 

Suspected Ringleader’s Family Testifies

Onur Dulkadir, a cousin and former classmate of Gunaydin, the suspected ringleader, testified on his interactions with Gunaydin and Malatya’s local Christian community prior to the murders.

Dulkadir claimed that a few months before the crime, he and Gunaydin attended a Christian meeting at a Malatya hotel where approximately 50 people were in attendance. He said they left when someone handed him a brochure about “missionary activity.”

Dulkadir told the court that after they left, Gunaydin said, “I am watching how they structure themselves,” and, “Very soon I am going to be rich.” In past hearings, Gunaydin claimed the Turkish state had promised him support if he would carry out the attacks successfully.

Gunaydin’s father, Mustafa Gunaydin, testified at the hearing that he didn’t believe his son had led the group of five to commit the grisly murder of the three Christians, two of them converts from Islam.

“I went once a week to the jail to see my son, and every time I spoke with my son I tried to bring out the identity of those behind the murders,” said Mustafa Gunaydin. “He swore to me there was nobody behind it . . . I still believe my son couldn’t have done anything. My child is afraid of blood.”

Mustafa Gunaydin works as a technician at Ismet Inonu University. Plaintiff attorneys asked him if he was acquainted with professor Fatih Hilmioglu, recently jailed in a mass arrest of professors associated with a national conspiracy known as Ergenekon. He replied that he knew Hilmioglu, but that he also knew about 70 percent of the university personnel and did not have a close friendship with the arrested professor.

The prosecuting attorneys have frequently contended that Ergenekon, a loose collection of ultra-nationalist generals, businessmen, mafia and journalists who planned to engineer domestic chaos and overthrow the Turkish government, instigated Emre Gunaydin to commit the murders.

Ulger was arrested as part of the Turkish state’s investigations into Ergenekon.

 

Cryptic Comments

Among Emre Gunaydin’s most prominent suspect links to Ergenekon is his jailed former co-worker Varol Bulent Aral, who was arrested in February for being a possible liaison between the five youths on trial for the murders and the true masterminds.

Hamit Ozpolat, owner of a newspaper and radio station in Adiyaman, testified at the hearing that Aral made cryptic comments in regard to his connections with the criminal organization. When Aral approached Ozpolat for a job at one of his news outlets, he declined his application, which he said resulted in Aral shouting threats against him. When police came, Ozpolat testified, Aral shouted, “You can’t do anything to me, I am a member of the deep state.”

Plaintiff attorneys have suspected a connection between the Malatya murder case and Ergenekon for several months, attempting to merge the two cases since last August.

But in a strange turn, the National Intelligence Agency (MIT) has issued a report claiming that Ergenekon and Christian missionary agencies were working together to destroy the Turkish nation. This claim would seem to contradict older Ergenekon documents that make reference to church members in Izmir, Mersin and Trabzon, three Turkish cities where Christians were attacked or killed in the following years.

Malatya plaintiff attorneys told Compass the theory of Christians wanting to destroy Turkey exists in the national consciousness but has no basis in reality.

“One of the core activities of Ergenekon is to struggle against missionary activity,” plaintiff attorney Cengiz said. “They are very hostile against missionary activities, as they see them as an extension of the external enemies in Turkey.”

On Monday (April 13), police raided the home of professor Turkan Saylan, 74-year old president of the Association for Support of Progressive Life (CYDD) and a cancer patient. The seven-hour raid took place on the basis of a MIT report stating her organization had received funds from the American Board, the oldest organization in Turkey with missionary status. The American Board is known in Turkey for building schools and hospitals and funding development projects.

Police reportedly raided her home and office in an attempt to find information linking CYDD finances to the American Board and proselytizing activities. Saylan’s organization has opened three court cases against MIT for past accusations of missionary activities.

In an online report published by Haber50 today, Saylan said that her premises were raided as retaliation for the cases opened against MIT, which for years has been trying to destroy her organization’s reputation in the press.

In addition, the report says Yasar Yaser, president of the Health and Education Association (SEV), used her organization’s printing press in order to produce Bibles.

“The terrible truth is some media, including some Muslim newspapers, were very eager to cover this story,” plaintiff attorney Cengiz said. He emphasized that suspicions of Christian groups in Turkey having such a subversive agenda were baseless.

This Saturday (April 18) will mark the second anniversary of the stabbing deaths of the three Christians. Churches across Turkey will commemorate the event through special services, and the Turkish Protestant Alliance has designated the day as an international day of prayer.

The next hearing of the case is scheduled to take place on May 22.

Report from Compass News Direct

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SERIOUS PERSECUTIONS AND MARTYRDOM IN THE INDIAN STATE OF ORISSA

By an Indian Missionary to India

Note from the editor:  The following is written by a man who returned to India to establish better training for his fellow Indians.  He is personally known by me and I believe his reports are trustworthy.  I have decided since this was going to be published in a searchable web site not to post his name for prudence and safety sake.

–       R. L. Gerard, DOGMA Ministries Servant.

 

Many of you have expressed your concern about our safety and assured us of your continuing prayers for us. Thanks for your encouraging letters! The situation in Orissa is grim. Persecution continues unabated. Media and social organizations are kept out of the troubled Kandhamal District of Orissa. Strangely the government media is affirming the continuation of curfew and fresh killing of Christians in this troubled district while declaring that the situation is under control.  Everyday churches are being destroyed and Christians are being killed.

 Are people really so aggressively religious that they persecute Christians day in and day out here? Or has the lure of plundering Christians to become rich overnight had any role to play in persecution? How do Hindu fundamentalists sponsor these kinds of sustained riots? After a wave of Church demolitions, house burning, killing and extensive plundering, three days back the reconversion of Christians into Hinduism started. Many pastors have fled into other districts. We are hearing reports that many Christians are returning to Hinduism for the fear of being burnt to death. It is very discouraging to know that even pastor’s families are melting under this pressure, going through these rituals of home coming returning to Hinduism. There are rumours everywhere – so much so that it is difficult to know what is true and we are living in constant fear.

The Churches at Balangir, in my home district, have already been threatened in writing that if they don’t returned to Hinduism by the 23rd September certain Christian leaders of Balangir will be killed. My district has a large number of Christians living in a cluster. One thing is sure that any flare up between Hindus and Christians in Balangir will lead to a big fight and bloodshed. We are hearing that Bhubaneswar city, where we are living, is the last target of the Hindu fundamentalists. They have already shortlisted over one hundred Christian leaders of Bhubaneswar area to kill them.

It is true that hundreds of houses belonging to Christians have been destroyed or burned. In the light of such destruction, rumours are causing a lot of fear among the Christians here. I have desisted from reporting to you any news of Orissa because there are no credible reports to send you. The most distressful thing is the irresponsible action of the Orissa government – persecuting the Christians hand in glove with BJP, the Hindu party, instead of defending the weak and the poor. Please pray for the Christians who have lost everything overnight. My heart particularly goes out for the families of those Pastors who have been killed or are on the run and have lost everything for their faith! There is hope for the Church in this troubled state if we can help these Pastors to settle down again and regroup their flocks.

I am forwarding an email which has a few moving pictures of torture and destruction in Orissa. I do not know the sources and details of these pictures. These are obviously, from Orissa state. Anyway, I am sending them to you. I hope and pray that these pictures will encourage you to pray for the persecuted ones in Orissa and India.

We have accumulated a few thousands of books for ****** ******** Seminary.  Just one spark from the enemy can reduce our precious collections to ashes. Many of our faculty and students belong to the Kandhamal district of Orissa where this persecution is intense.  Their parents and family members are hiding and are constant on the move. We will deeply appreciate your prayers for the safety of our family, staff, students and our assets. Thanks for your continuing prayer, partnership and friendship in difficult times like this!

Name withheld.

REBECCA THERES MORRIS: 1984 – 2008

My dearest friend is gone, having died in her sleep on Wednesday morning the 25^th June 2008. I am finding it incredibly hard to believe she is gone and that I can’t see or speak to her again. She was my dearest friend and the most important person in my entire life. It is hard to find words to describe the ache that I feel in my heart and mind and the massive void Rebecca’s death will leave in my life. She meant so much to me and she will always mean so much to me – what an amazing privilege it was for me to have known this incredible girl with the endearing and enduring smile.

I first met Rebecca in about January 2004 at Hawkins Masonic Village. It was her first job in nursing I believe and fuelled within her a desire and a passion for being a nurse. She had the respect of her fellow staff members immediately and engaged us all with her determination to be the very best nurse she could be, along with her wholehearted empathy for those she cared for. Even from these early days in her nursing career Rebecca showed qualities that proved the potential that was within her to be a great nurse, as well as a great person. Sadly we have been left without the quality nurse and person she would most certainly have become.

In those early days of 2004 Rebecca attended one of my fire safety lectures at Hawkins Masonic Village and I remember the attention she gave and that smile that emblazoned the room. She was a beautiful young woman who personified happiness in a very real and personal manner. Her desire for life and joy of living was captured in the smile that adorned her face in those first moments that I experienced the pleasure that was knowing my friend Rebecca.

I did not set out to become a friend of Rebecca’s, yet it was the overtures of her bubbly friendliness that drew me towards her and destined me to having a friend that I will cherish for the rest of my days. Though a friendship I did not immediately seek, her friendship soon became one that I would never want to part with and she soon became the most important person in my life.

At that very time when I met Rebecca I would have been quite happy to have signed out of life. I wanted the earth to stop spinning so I could step off and it was quite within the realm of possibility that I would have done so. Rebecca saved me and returned to me a desire to go on living. Her engaging personality enabled me to see the possibilities of life once again and we soon became close friends.

As the closest of friends with the greatest regard for each other, we still had our differences and difficulties as friends. Yet beneath the sometimes tumultuous circumstances of our friendship there was nothing that could separate us as friends. We were there for each other and life’s troubles became the melting pot for a life long friendship that would mean the world to me and more.

There were many times when Rebecca came to me for support through the greatest of personal difficulties and it was the same the other way as well. Our bond was cemented in the fires of hardship and a friendship forged that would endure all things cast in our way.

There was so much more to Rebecca then her smile and seemingly perpetual happiness. She struggled with what life threw at her, yet she never gave up. There were many great personal battles fought and many still being fought. She had her demons as we all do, yet it was a testimony to the quality of who Rebecca was that she continued to be a young woman who made an impact on all her knew her for good. There was potential in Rebecca to be far more than she already was and I looked forward to seeing that develop from the bud into full bloom. How tragic it is that the developing flower has been plucked at such an early stage in her development as a person. What a wonderful woman she would have become. Rebecca Morris was there in development and the fruit of who she was was beginning to be known by those who knew her best.

Rebecca was a star in the making, as well as being a star already. I have known no-one else that could be what Rebecca was and what she was becoming. Greatness loomed in the being of my friend and I longed to see her come out of the shadows and be seen in all her glory, to be known for who she truly was without the fears that so often plagued her inner peace and being.

I thank God I knew her and for what I could see beginning to form beneath the surface and for the future life she would live. Now I am heartbroken by the fact that my friend’s life has been so tragically cut short. My sorrow rends my heart and crushes my spirit. All I want to do is somehow fix everything and bring her back, but this time I cannot do it. The desire is more than there but the ability is greatly lacking. I have no power, no words, no nothing that can bring my friend back to me, to her friends and her family. I am so devastated by the loss of my friend and my heart’s sorrow cannot be silenced or stopped.

Time may ease the felt pain of my sorrow, but it will not remove the void that can never be filled by another. Rebecca was my friend and I will never forget her. She meant the world to me and continues to do so. I cannot forget her and I will not.

How much those times I spent with her are now to be guarded and embraced as cherished and precious moments which time will never prize from my heart and mind. They have become Rebecca to me and I will go to them when I need to spend time with her again. You will always be with me as long as I cherish these memories and I will never forget to do so, for I can never forget you.

Rebecca, you were my friend and I will never forget what you meant to me and who you were. My friend, forever. Thank you for being so.

No Remorse

Isn’t it disappointing when people wrong you, hurt you, etc – and then when they see you for the first time in a long time they behave as though nothing ever happened? I find it to be very disappointing, especially when it is someone for whom you have done a lot, stood by, etc.

This happened to me just recently ~ the person concerned carried on in a manner as though she was still my best friend, that she had done nothing toward me that could be regarded as appalling behaviour and that somehow there was nothing ill between us as a result. It saddened me and disappointed me greatly.

My strongest desire was to simply show her that I still cared about her and to embrace her, however, I knew this would not be the best course of action as it would allow her to get away with continued poor behaviour without even the slightest display of remorse ~ and I certainly have no intention of being used as a friend of convenience or worse still, to be used as a doormat.

To be sure, I do not despise this person and she knows that I do not. I have made it abundantly clear that should she need me for anything I am here for her. However, there is no way that her continued poor behaviour toward me is to be deemed acceptable in any manner whatsoever and an explanation and an apology are in order ~ and they to be marked with sincerity and truth. Without these things, I cannot help but think that I have overestimated the worth of this person, though I am sure that within her is the potential of someone who is to be valued beyond any words that I can possibly hope to give voice to. At the moment I am left disappointed and dis-illusioned by this one in whom I believed and in whom I had placed so many high hopes.

The way to reconciliation remains open, but it must come via the true path of reconciliation as I have already mentioned in this posting. I am certainly ready to receive her with the trappings of the most sincere, open and warm-hearted friendship that I have

Moving On – I don’t think I want to

There are times in life when one just simply has to move on. What you have become comfortable with simply remains no more. What you want is simply not available. No matter how much you protest, the reality is forced upon you and you must find a way to move on.

I know what it is like to have to abandon a dream or to admit that something you wish for just isn’t going to happen – and you have to move on. It is a painful readjustment of your life that you don’t really want to make. You would rather be able to go back somehow and turn things around, do something different, say something incredibly important and all would be back to the way it was or should be. Moving on is simply not an option on your agenda – yet it forces itself upon you.

Circumstances often govern that which you do in life. Your plan for your life, your dream perhaps and most certainly your current thoughts and routine are changed by what life throws at you. Moving on becomes a choice that you no longer are able to freely choose, for your circumstances make it inevitable and you simply have to move on.

But what an overwhelming sense there is to simply cry out, ‘I don’t want to move on, I want things to be as they are or as they were.’ But alas, there is no compromise with the new reality, you simply have to move on.

I love that scene in Braveheart where Wallace’s wife returns to him in a dream and she tells him he has to wake up. Wallace says something like, ‘I want to stay here, with you.’ That thought resonates with me from time to time and I find it so hard to move on from certain situations that I don’t want to see change, certainly not in a direction I don’t want them to.

As I was saying yesterday, I have lost my friend – she was my closest friend ever and I cared for her more than I have cared for anyone ever. I miss her terribly, but it is a reality I can do nothing about. I am left with my memories and these are exceedingly precious to me, as indeed she is. It is a reality that I had no choice in. I believe in real friendships that have real meaning and this reality has no meaning to me. It has come without explanation and I am now forced to move on, though it is not the direction I ever wanted to go in.

People will say that I cared too much and that I believed in her too much – but no, that was never true. I didn’t care enough and I didn’t believe enough, though I did with all that I was and am. My choice of friendship demanded my all and I freely gave it with depth of heart. I believed in her, she was my friend.

I fear I failed her in some way and that perhaps I hurt her without even knowing I did. I have never tried to do so and indeed I tried ever so hard not to. Yet sometimes it is possible without even knowing it. I would never intentionally hurt her and I would lay down my life for her if it was required to help her. I adored her and she meant the world to me, but all that seems over now and for no reason that I can see.

It is time to move on, though I don’t think I want to. It is a reality I have no choice in, it was a decision made for me my another – so move on I must. This I will do, but I don’t think I can forget her and I know I will always be here for her, whenever she needs me or wants me. She is my friend, I can do no other – my heart and my soul will not sever the bonds that bind me to her, and I am happy with that. Yet, I still must move on.

LOST FRIENDS & RENEWED FRIENDS

There are times in life when you just have to accept that people you care enormously for no longer seem to want to be part of your life. There can be no apparent reason for it (and sometimes there are plenty of reasons I know), as I have recently experienced, but there is no choice for you either. You simply have to accept what the other person has decided to do, let them go and who knows, perhaps some day they might be interested in renewing the friendship again. In this case, maybe not ~ but who knows.

The loss has been a huge blow to me and to be honest, it has been a major disappointment for me in the person concerned. I am incredibly saddened and feel really badly hurt by what has occurred. But what can be done? I have exhausted all avenues in trying to correct the situation – nothing more can be done. It is time to move on.

What a joy in contrast however, when friendships that were really important, but for one reason or another they seemed to fall apart, are renewed. I have had the joy of having a close friendship renewed just recently also and this has meant a real lot to me. This person has been a tremendous friend to be in the past and will be so again. Thank the Lord for his goodness – He does work in mysterious ways as the saying goes.