Resignation (Written – 5 August 2007)


Well, things have all changed for me in a very short period of time. I have resigned from my job, effective September 14. I don’t think I had a lot of choice in doing so, given the fact that my current job is contributing enormous stress to my life and as a result my health continues to deteriorate. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and I have tried for the past three years to cope with the increasing stress and workload levels ~ however, the levels only increase and never decline.

It has not been unusual for me to be working every day without a break (when not physically at work, I work at home, taking my work home with me) and then to be working all hours in a vain attempt to get ahead. Yet every stride I make only lands me further tasks and projects to accomplish, with there being no light at the end of the tunnel.

There was a brief moment when there appeared a distant light at the end of the tunnel in which I work, but that has now been well and truly snuffed out, as a multitude of new projects began to pop up on the near horizon. Despite my pleas for a break from such things there will be no let up. It is impossible for me to sustain the levels of commitment I am being asked to give, with the load being simply too much. My staff are barely getting by now, as am I. All I can see is a complete health meltdown if I continue at the job, with no personal or spiritual life whatsoever ~ no job is worth the cost that this one is exacting from me.

I have worked with this organisation for nearly twenty years and it will be sad to leave. There were tears in my eyes as I voiced my decision to resign on Friday and I guess that was inevitable. I had thought I might work here until my retirement, but that certainly is no longer a possibility. I can no longer give the role for which I am employed the commitment, enthusiasm or interest that is required, certainly to a level that I myself am personally satisfied with.

The final straw was a meeting held last Wednesday with my staff and senior management. Without going into details, the meeting destroyed my confidence and left me shattered. I felt that everything I had given to the role, with all that it had cost me and was continuing to cost me was far too much, and far too much to ask of anyone. My spirit was broken and I left the meeting not feeling that I was able to go on. I knew it was over right at that moment. The role had exacted its last toll ~ my very soul (or was about to). It was time to end the torture before it cost me my life.

I leave the job knowing that what I had achieved I had done well and that I have transformed the department into a well-oiled working team that has accomplished a great deal in the last few years. There have been massive improvements across the board, not just in physically completed projects, but in the way things are done, procedures, etc.

The Preventative Maintenance Program that I has established and which had returned us a 100% compliance record in our Accreditation round last year is now about to be pulled apart in order to cut costs. I was about to see the good work of the last three years begin to be dismantled and standards begin to dramatically decline – all that work which cost me so much was now to be undone. What a waste of those three years was all that resonated in my mind. Why had I given so much for it to be so thoughtlessly thrown away? How pointless to continue working so hard when this was to be the result of my bleeding for the organisation? It had to end and so I have ended it – for me anyhow.

Sadly, in my opinion, the organisation is barely functioning these days and now my own department, which had struggled against the tide of the downgrade movement, was being forced into the same black hole of mediocrity. Already we were struggling to get work done because of centralisation of decision making, etc. What had taken us mere days to accomplish in the past was now taking us months as we waited for approval to spend anything from a few hundred dollars to larger amounts. We have been bogged down for months in senseless rules and regulations imposed on us from Head Office. The efficiency with which our department had begun to function was being eroded away and was in danger of grinding to a halt, but there seemed no real concern about this outside of my own department. It had become an embarrassment to me and the appearance of this to outside eyes was reflecting badly on me. There seemed no clarion expressions of support and explanation, certainly not to those who were being impacted by what was going on ~ I was left to suffer the blows of dissatisfaction alone. There was nothing expressed from any other quarter to explain the delays in meeting the department’s responsibilities. At the coal face we suffered the blows of criticism alone and then were criticised by the ‘silent’ also, for not meeting our responsibilities, even though it was clear to the ‘silent’ why the delays were there.

Anyhow, I could go on for quite some time cataloguing the issues I see happening in the workplace at the current time, but that is no longer my concern. I have only to the 14th of September 2007 to endure what has become a burden I care no longer to carry. Already the relief is palpable, as I now have light pouring through an escape shaft I have smashed through the tunnel roof in which I have been working and the way out is clearly before me. I will write soon of what the pros are concerning my resignation and what are the cons of the decision.

Branching Out


We began the big clean up at work today after last weekend’s cyclone. If today is any indication, it would seem that we have the rest of this week and well into next, to look forward to, in order to clear the grounds of debris – which is mostly branches and fallen trees. We have created several large piles of green waste which I hope to have chipped and put back onto our gardens – nothing should go to waste out of this exercise.

We are looking at replacing the roof on our five wing Aged Care Hostel after finding it had at least thirty leaks in it, as well as the two large holes from skylights which were torn off during the storm. This should go a long way toward repairing the issues in that particular building. We have placed a tarp over the worst section of the roof (as well as the previous two tarps covering the ruined skylights). There were also three other buildings to date that had roof damage during the storm – that we know of thus far.

More debris to clear tomorrow with yet more piles of green waste to be chipped and returned to our gardens.

Storm Boredom


Ready for BingoSome strange things can happen when you are stuck in a storm and can’t get out. It seems like sanity is lost for a brief period as you try to keep yourself amused. So a strange game of bingo in the middle of the night playing for a piece of a chocolate and wearing strange head gear was the way to go in our opinion.

You also need to find somewhere to crash and sometimes an aged care air chair is all there is available – not too comfortable.

The Bingo Caller

 Sleeping in an Air Chair

 

Where’s Crepe Myrtle???


‘Does anybody know where Crepe Myrtle lives? Who is Crepe Myrtle? I’ve never heard of her!’

Such was the response to a job sheet that was recently handed out to one of my staff. The job sheet asked for a Crepe Myrtle to be pruned in a certain area of the workplace ~ thankfully Crepe Myrtle was never found or she herself may have been missing a few limbs & not just the shrub.

Funding Funding


Yes, the title is intentional. We are funding funding at my workplace. In the office where I work there is a collection of aluminium cans being made. There is a receptacle in which one can place their used aluminium can in order for it to be collected and then taken to some local recycling facility for what is nothing more than a very small return for your effort.

Raising Funds for Fund RaisingNow in our work place there are a number of competing collection points. There is one where a staff member gets all the takings, there is another where funds raised go towards aiding breast cancer research and then there are those receptacles provided by the local council in order to pacify the local greens (to promote recycling – which is of course a good thing). But the unique thing about the collection point in our office is that monies raised through recycling our aluminium cans (which may be about $20.00 AU a year) is to be used in funding further fund raising activities.

Now this is all extremely exciting and many of us simply cannot wait until the next fund raising activity is rolled out – that which is funded by our aluminium can collecting and recycling project. One can only guess wildly at what measures will be introduced with such extravagant funding. Perhaps there will be a bottle of boiled lollies that visitors to the office can take while popping a donation into a bottle – in order to receive one. The only problem with such an activity is that when we have purchased the lollies we will need another receptacle in which to collect the donations.

Perhaps we could start collecting old copper wire from pictures and recycle it in order to fund the receptacle to collect the monies donated through this other fund raising activity?

STRUGGLING


There are times in life (at least for me) when it all seems a little too much. It’s like, ‘Why am I even bothering with it anymore?’ Now most certainly there are plenty of people out there who have it far worse than I do and I’m not trying to cast the sympathy seeking line ~ I’m simply putting down what I feel like today.

It has been almost two years since I posted anything in this ‘blog,’ and I cannot say for sure how long it will be until I do so again. What I can say is that a lot has happened in those two years. Of most importance is that I have lost my best friend and that for no reason that I can figure out. Believe me, I have searched my mind looking for answers, as well as seeking them at the source ~ but alas, to no avail. I’m now beginning to think I have lost yet another friend, the person who I currently regard as my best friend. Again, I do not know why. These two people were/are friends on the earthly plane so to speak. Of course my best friend will never leave me, but there is still a sense in which the loss of friends in this sphere is hard to take.

I find myself struggling with illness again and not really knowing just what is going on with me. I know there is a lot of mental stuff happening, which is a hangover from the last time I was ill ~ now however, I have my next cycle of illness with it and I’m not over the last yet. CFS/CFIDS is not an easy thing to cope with let me tell you.

I have tried to deal with the illness early this time round, but that has now left me in the ‘doghouse’ at work from all appearances. So it seems I can’t win here ~ if I leave it too late and get sicker for longer because I keep working, or I take time off early to head it off from getting worse for longer. This is the dilemma I daily face at the minute.

It’s times like this, when you are spoken to in a way which in my view is extremely poor, that you have to assess just how you speak to others to ensure your speech is not having a poor effect on others. This I will try and do, though I know I don’t always succeed, especially when I’m struggling with confusion, memory problems, etc… but I must keep myself from treating other people poorly, even while I’m ill (I don’t see it as an excuse for poor behaviour).

SO BUSY


I have been kept away from work on the web site – in fact all the web sites and email too – due to my incredibly busy working life at this time. It seems as though it will not get any easier in the near future, with the promise of an immense amount of work in the next week or two as accreditation draws nearer (I work in a retirement village). I have so much to do with too few staff and so little time to do it.

To try and relax from time to time (which is difficult after 15 hours of work each day) I have been keeping tropical fish. It is relaxing to me to be able to watch their antics, etc. I’m becoming quite the enthusiast I think.

BACK FROM HOLIDAYS


Well I’m back from holidays, having travelled to a number of places around the state and enjoying the long awaited break from work. I don’t go back to work until next week, but I have finished my travels for the moment – amazing what a lack of money will do!

I’m now looking forward to doing a little work on the site and getting things up and happening again. It’s a constant job this and you quickly fall behind if you get caught up on other things.

I have also got to admit to being more than a little de-motivated at the moment – de-motivated in the way of getting on with things. I am pretty tired so I think that may very well be the reason.

GETTING BACK INTO IT


I’ve been so busy lately (or should I say still) with work, as well as being sick again for a few weeks, that I have had little time to do much on the web site. However I am trying to get back into it again. Today I’m reviewing what is currently online and will attempt to make a few changes along the way, including changing the email address again (due to changes with the previous email host).

The new address is nrbcpastorkev@yahoo.com.au, which is actually an old address that I’m going to use again.

Flat out at Work


Been flat out at work again. There seems to be no end to it at the moment. Just when you think it will ease off for a while something else comes along to keep you flat out.

The good news is that I’ve been able to do a little work on my web sites in the last couple of days. Hopefully I’ll be able to start adding some new content soon.