STRUGGLING


There are times in life (at least for me) when it all seems a little too much. It’s like, ‘Why am I even bothering with it anymore?’ Now most certainly there are plenty of people out there who have it far worse than I do and I’m not trying to cast the sympathy seeking line ~ I’m simply putting down what I feel like today.

It has been almost two years since I posted anything in this ‘blog,’ and I cannot say for sure how long it will be until I do so again. What I can say is that a lot has happened in those two years. Of most importance is that I have lost my best friend and that for no reason that I can figure out. Believe me, I have searched my mind looking for answers, as well as seeking them at the source ~ but alas, to no avail. I’m now beginning to think I have lost yet another friend, the person who I currently regard as my best friend. Again, I do not know why. These two people were/are friends on the earthly plane so to speak. Of course my best friend will never leave me, but there is still a sense in which the loss of friends in this sphere is hard to take.

I find myself struggling with illness again and not really knowing just what is going on with me. I know there is a lot of mental stuff happening, which is a hangover from the last time I was ill ~ now however, I have my next cycle of illness with it and I’m not over the last yet. CFS/CFIDS is not an easy thing to cope with let me tell you.

I have tried to deal with the illness early this time round, but that has now left me in the ‘doghouse’ at work from all appearances. So it seems I can’t win here ~ if I leave it too late and get sicker for longer because I keep working, or I take time off early to head it off from getting worse for longer. This is the dilemma I daily face at the minute.

It’s times like this, when you are spoken to in a way which in my view is extremely poor, that you have to assess just how you speak to others to ensure your speech is not having a poor effect on others. This I will try and do, though I know I don’t always succeed, especially when I’m struggling with confusion, memory problems, etc… but I must keep myself from treating other people poorly, even while I’m ill (I don’t see it as an excuse for poor behaviour).

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